If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
