sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
