Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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