bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
