all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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