sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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