i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
