I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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