Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Randomize
