I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
