plz talk dirty to me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize