Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
