Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
