i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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