Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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