A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
