well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
