Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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