I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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