I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
