Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
