the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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