I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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