it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
