the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
