I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
