im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
