life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
