He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
