Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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