I cannot find my penis.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just forgot I was standing up.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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