you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
