i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
