You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
