Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
