i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize