I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
where does the pee come out of this thing
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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