I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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