kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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