So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
