Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i was born a porn star she said
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
