Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
