i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
