talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
