I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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