My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
