not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
