We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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