Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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