I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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