well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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