You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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