I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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