Apparently you make a good broom.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
