She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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