theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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