At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
