I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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