You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
