i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
