Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize