Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
