I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
