can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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