I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
