idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
