i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
