we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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