I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Terrible idea I love it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
