using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
