Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
