My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
