Cold hands, warm shart.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My bed smells like the plague
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
